SSP

I had the opportunity to spend a couple days in Greenville, California, this past week and came away with some thoughts that I want to share with you. First of all, Indian Valley is a beautiful place, although it was quite different from the IVy league I was at before. Secondly, I was disappointed to discover that Heather and her friends had such a low regard of my alma mater and her sister schools.

Most importantly I learned some things about my daughter.

While Heather and Nathaniel were growing up I found some guidance in my parenting in the teachings of Kahlil Gibran in The Prophet:

"Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let our bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

While Nathaniel and Heather were in my home, I saw them every day and became accustomed to how they behaved in that environment. They have always been incredible children in my eyes and I have felt blessed since the day they were born. It has been difficult to let go of them as they have grown, but it has been satisfying to see them able to stand on their own.

They are both now young adults and, although my role as their parent is not finished, it is diminished. They, as arrows, have been released from this bow and are now flying toward their own destinies.

Once our children head off on their own, our ability to keep track of who they are and what they are doing is diminished. These couple days in Indian Valley gave me the rare opportunity to watch my daughter in flight. The experience has been astounding. I have had the opportunity to witness a girl tuned into a woman, and one with remarkable composure, dedication, spirituality and self-confidence: traits I had observed as they were developing, but had not seen in full blossom.

In retrospect, I had observed the same development and the same traits in Nathaniel, but was not as struck by them, perhaps because he is the older son and his development began earlier and was therefore more gradual. I am no less proud of Nathaniel than I am of Heather. But Heather is my baby girl and, in a way, she always will be. However, that view of her blinded me to her development into an adult.

I wish I could take credit for who my children are. If God gave points for how well one’s children turned out, JoAnne and I could coast the rest of the way to heaven. However, I’m afraid they are who they have become in spite of me instead of because of me. I know I made a lot of mistakes. I cringe in embarrassment when I remember some of them. Fortunately, they had their mother who worried about their spiritual growth and brought them to church, while I worried about how fast they could run a 1500, and brought them to the track. Also, it is fortunate that they found friends who were interested in healthy fun instead of drugs or other destructive behavior.

More recently, it is fortunate that they found the Sierra Service Project. Over the course of the past several years, I have had the opportunity to visit Nathaniel in Arizona, Round Valley and Los Angeles, and Heather in Indian Valley. Nathaniel has been involved as a camper, construction coordinator, supply coordinator and site director. Heather has been a camper, construction coordinator and now spiritual director. It is an outstanding program, staffed by remarkable people, that has given both of my children, and my daughter-in-law, the opportunity to undertake challenging jobs, meet and associate with an incredible network of similarly spiritual and dedicated young people, expand their awareness of the plight of the less fortunate in our society, achieve success, and realize that they can make a difference in the lives of others. They have certainly made a difference in mine.

I am proud, not only of my three children, but of everyone who is associated with S.S.P.